Family Focus - Jenny Akins

This is my testimony of God’s grace, love and forgiveness in my life.

I grew up in the cold state of Minnesota in a Catholic family of four girls. I was the third child, the independent one who always figured things out for myself. My mom and dad never missed a Sunday of taking us to church. Never. Our home opened up to a forest with pine trees and deer where we explored and ran free. I loved it.

At sixteen I started seriously dating a boy 2 ½ years older than me. I felt reckless, popular, and grown up. My parents had one sex talk with each of my sisters in the formal living room at the approximate age of fourteen and all I remember of it was “don’t do it.” So a month after my sixteenth birthday, I did it. I had no idea my decision to have premarital sex would affect my whole life. I was living for the moment. It wasn’t until nearly a year later, in December of 1990 that my life would change forever.

My boyfriend was home over Christmas break. He had been away at college out of state and we had maintained a long distance relationship. I never thought I could get pregnant because I was very active in sports and activities. We had also been sexually active for 9 months so I thought it couldn’t happen to me. Our two weeks together over that break would result in my pregnancy at the age of sixteen.

Three months later, by March of 1991, in my parents cramped bathroom, I saw the stick revealing positive. That’s when the lightning bolt hit. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I confessed my sin before God, begged His forgiveness, and asked Him to be with me through this pregnancy. In turn, my life was His. I made this promise to Him not having any idea that I had just accepted the Lord into my heart. Wiping away my tears, I stood up with a renewed strength and resolve. I knew this was the beginning of something big and scary.

Since my parents were out of town, I took a train by myself six hours to tell my boyfriend. His first response was “I know where we can go right now and get this taken care of.” I refused. If there was one thing my parents taught me, it was the sanctity of life. I knew this baby was a gift and had a purpose and I had to protect it. Later, telling my parents was a formality as they had already had suspicions. They were disappointed, and very upset, but promised to love and support me in any choice I made.

The months passed and I finished my junior year of high school with plenty of stares from students. I worked 40 hours a week that summer in a fast food restaurant wearing maternity clothes and mopping floors. I wanted to work the night shift because I was too embarrassed to work during the day. It was humbling. Drunken customers would laugh or snicker at me and once a man blurted out “ How old ARE you?”
Does God rescue us from the depths of despair and the miriest of pits? Yes indeed.

I met with a social worker who helped me in the process of finding a family to place my baby for adoption. I will never forget the stacks, a foot high, half a dozen piles, of folders for families wanting to adopt. It was truly overwhelming that this many couples could not bear children. My heart still breaks for them. I found a family I liked, met them, and knew in my heart they were the ones. This is what the Holy Spirit can do.

In September of 1991 I began my senior year of high school 9 months pregnant. Ironically, it was not difficult as I knew I was almost finished and then I could get my life back. Or so I thought. At the end of September I went into labor and delivered a healthy 8 lb 15 oz baby girl. When I saw her face, I knew in a moment this was not my child to keep. She was a gift I’d have to give away. But over the next ten days of physically being separated from her (she went to a foster home between the birth and the court date of signing over my rights), I was an absolute mess. I wavered each and every day whether to keep her or go through with the adoption. It was so difficult and painful, down to my bones, imagining not having her in my life. I was scared, desperate, and full of fear. But God, in His almighty power, showed me that I could do this. The quote on a bookmark given to me was “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Looking back, I can see the Holy Spirit every step of the way guiding my choices. I had prayed the rosary every day of my pregnancy. This is the only kind of prayer I knew. I believe God blesses every prayer He ears from an earnest heart.

In early October on a rainy fall day, I handed over my daughter to her new parents. It was the most heart wrenching moment of my life. They thanked me, I kissed her
forehead and could only say “until we meet again.” I left the house with my parents, all of us weeping, and drove home feeling as though someone had carved out a piece of my flesh. I knew someday if I could just meet her, once, and hug her and tell her how much I love her, that would be enough. Only our God who is mighty to save would put a rainbow in the sky that day on the drive home.

I went away to college in Minnesota, but felt restless. I just could not keep up with my friends and the lame parties. I gave up Molly for a new life, not just for her but for me too. I had heard about Westmont through my older sister’s boyfriend whom she had met in Europe while I was pregnant. So with one suitcase, I got on a plane and started over in January of my sophomore year. I knew no one. It was at Westmont that I found the faith of fellow believers to be so comforting. Finally I felt at home.

I took a vow of purity after having Molly to save myself for marriage. I also began to fervently pray for God to do things in my life in the correct order. I knew I had messed up by having premarital sex. I wanted to travel abroad, graduate from college, fall in love and get married, and hope someday to have children. I prayed specifically for a man who was pure, who loved God simply, and who would love me despite my past. In the fall of 1995, I met that man, my husband Geoff~ in Europe ~while traveling abroad for four months. He was born deaf, faced hardships at a young age, and felt stared at and outcast. Our past experiences gave us a huge connection. “Share each other’s burdens..” sounded in my ears. The ironies that surround our meeting are small miracles. Just four years prior I had been giving birth, and now I stood in museums, castles, and the holy land walking in the steps of our Lord. We traveled to twelve countries, toured the Greek Islands, studied art history in the Louvre and witnessed fireworks in Scotland. On the day of Molly’s fourth birthday, we climbed Massada at sunrise in the desert of Israel. Everyday was a dream. I soaked it all in to the core of my being. The hotel in Greece where my sister had met her boyfriend four years prior was the same place where Geoff asked me out to dinner for our first date. These things are not coincidence. They are part of God’s perfect and intricate plan. Two years later we married, and in 2002 my final prayer came true. Our daughter Audrey was born. Words will never express the overwhelming joy of holding my daughter, this one mine to keep.

The meeting
Molly’s parents and I had an open adoption so through the years they sent me letters and photos. I always sent them a Christmas card and this past year I wrote “p.s. I’m on facebook.” So on Christmas Day of 2009 Molly, now 18, friend requested me. I accepted her request YES YES YES! through tears and uninhibited joy. Only our God, who has seen my pain each Christmas, could do a miracle like this. Tears of sadness turned to joy.

Four months later, this past April at my sister’s wedding in Minnesota, I met Molly. We had sent her family an invitation, not really thinking they’d come. The moment before I was to meet her, I stood in the church I grew up in and just praised God. I took a deep breath and savored the fact that the next face I saw would be hers. It was beautiful, tearful, and perfect. We hugged, and I held her hand. I heard her voice for the first time and wept some more. Her parents hugged me and loved me like a daughter of their own. Words had no place in a moment as big as this. Later, we danced, talked, and laughed together. Geoff and I held hands and just stood smiling in awe seeing our two girls, Audrey and Beth dancing with their half sister. It was like something from a faraway dream. Really God? Meet her at a wedding? My one sister who held Molly as a baby and has loved and cried with me through the years not only allowed but was overjoyed that this huge event happened on her wedding day. Everyone attending, aunts and uncles who supported me, friends that wrote me letters of encouragement through the years, all were moved by the enormity of it all. We serve a God who does immeasurably more than we can ever ask or fathom. In our deepest despair, He is there. He does not fade or grow weary. He does not give up on us. In our sin He rescues us. He blesses those who seek Him. I know I have been through the hardest most painful experience and came through it stronger, with a deep faith that has stood unwavering in my life. Whatever He has in store for me, I know I can bear. My cup overflows.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
from Ecc 3: 1-8

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20

“And we know that in ALL things God works for the GOOD of those who love him, who have been CALLED according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:13

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